We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
