Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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