Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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