I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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