They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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