I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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