I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
