so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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