You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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