so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
