Cold hands, warm shart.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
