The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
