Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
