He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
