If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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