Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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