I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How does one acquire holy water?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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