The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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