just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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