just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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