The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Randomize
