Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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