Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
