"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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