hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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