her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
