Nicole vs. Life
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
