Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
