dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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