you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
