hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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