I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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