i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
