just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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