I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
