i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
