She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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