He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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