I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
