I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
