i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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