Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
