My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
