I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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