I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
