I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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