They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
