one two three fourrrrnication!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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