My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
