cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
