so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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