You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
