You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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