I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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