Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
