A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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