I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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