I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize