U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
