We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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