if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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