Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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