you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
