we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
